So, my Beloved and I attended the wedding reception of one of his work colleagues this weekend. Thankfully (as it was my first experience of a wedding sans alcool, like EVER!) it wasn’t a particularly boozy affair. Very family orientated, tonnes of kids… even one that looked about 3 weeks old (which got me very very excited every time I seen it! :-)).
It was a really lovely evening and it was great to get out and do something and talk to other people about things other than babies and lists and jobs to do. Well I say that, but in reality with a bump this size you’re never more than 30 seconds off the subject of babies!
There’s another wedding reception (seems there’s something in the water at my Beloved’s workplace) coming up on October 1st which I was reliably informed by the Bride-To-Be on Saturday will be a VERY boozy affair. How one attends a black tie wedding reception 3 days after giving birth (worst case scenario) and looks remotely like a human being, let alone a glamorous Goddess, I have no idea… pah! who am I kidding, whether it’s 3 weeks or 3 days, do I really think I have a chance of stepping foot over my front door without my days old baby? Err, No! Whilst it’s a nice idea, I really don’t think it’s feasible. She did say I could bring the baby, but I think she was just being polite. I had only just met her for the first time after all.
Inevitably though, the conversation moved along from babies to weddings as we talked about her plans for her big day. Now, in this day and age no-one really bothers when you’re 8 months pregnant and not married, but the question still comes up “Do you think you guys will ever get married?”, more in relation to co-habiting or just “going out” I think, because we’ve been asked that question for about 4 years now. And it’s something that we’ve talked about on several occassions.
Now, both my Beloved and I are casualties of the “Starter Marriage“. Not that either of us planned it that way and not that we’re proud of it. We both went into our marriages with total commitment and unfortunately it didn’t work out. Or as we like to look at it more positively now; fortunately, as we found each other (quite some time later, just to be clear) and it has allowed our ex-partners to move on with their lives and find happiness too. Which can only be a good thing for all involved. I digress…
So, yes, as I was explaining we’ve both been married before and so, for me anyway, I place infinitely more value on the strength of our relationship than on a piece of paper that says I’m legally committed to my Beloved. More than that though… I believe we are making the biggest commitment possible to each other right now. We are making a family.
Anyone that knows me (and I know some of you don’t) knows just how much importance I place on family. I’ve been brought up to love unconditionally where family is concerned. Rightly or wrongly. It may well be partly why I have found relationships difficult. No-one, no love, could compare to the love that I feel for my family. And I also believe that families should stick together – not that I’m getting on my soapbox and saying one parent families or multi-parent families are wrong. Families are diverse and it’s sticking with the love that we share that is important. Even if we don’t live in the same house anymore. I’m one of the lucky ones, my parents are still together, my siblings all still talk to one another and get on well and so I look around myself and I think; I love this! This what I want for my kids.
So, I guess I’m saying that for me, personally, it’s not that I don’t want to marry my Beloved, but having a baby with him is the single biggest most important commitment I could ever make to anyone. It’s the one thing that tells the world “I love this man, unconditionally. He is part of my family and we are a family”.