Evolution/Re-volution

Again, I find myself writing a blog post for the first time in a long time. This time, though, the reason behind the lapse is not laziness or apathy. It’s the complete opposite, in fact. Some weeks ago, I made a conscious decision to take a sabbatical from social media. Here is one of my last Twitter posts:

17 Jun – I’ve decided that with vacation time around the corner and my mood at an all time low, now is a good time to take a sabbatical from Twitter

And this is a copy of an email I sent to my ENTIRE address book on the same day (names have been changed as usual):

Hi All

I’ve had a couple of enquiries about this in the last 24 hours so, thought it probably best to send out a wee email…

I deleted my facebook account. I posted a status saying I was going to and then just did it. I guess it removed my status from people’s timeline when I deleted the account.

I just got fed up with it. And I’m a bit fed up in general, mostly from missing Strawbug and I was beating myself up for checking facebook whilst she’s awake and with me, only to read endless horoscope and mafia games postings (my timeline was full of crap – not from you, i hasten to add – and only now and then did I share messages with people directly)…

Those who know me and love me (i.e. you guys) all have my email address and my phone numbers. So, I decided to revert to “old fashioned” communication (haha, as opposed to “totally ancient” communication – i.e. letter writing!) and start actually talking to people rather than posting a sentence on the internet like a project status report (although, email IS allowed – LOL. one has to wean oneself off gradually!).

Sorry if I sound a a bit grumpy, I am – Strawbug has decided sleep is for wimps and inevitably has ended up in our bed kicking 7 bales of sh*t out of us for the last 2 weeks. So we’re all pretty shattered.

Anyway. I’m trimming back my internet activities, for now, and focusing on the little time I have with my Beloved and Strawbug instead. I hope it will lead to a better work/life/technology balance for us all.

I hope you are all well. We are off on our holibobs for a week, couldn’t have come at a better time!

Speak to you all soon

xxx

2 days earlier, I posted this on my Facebook page (which is my actual account linked to my family and friends, not for my pen name):

15 Jun – I’ve decided to close down my facebook account… But you can contact me in the future by phone or by email. Thanks everyone – stay safe and happy 🙂 xxx

It was the result of what I called at the time, a “mini meltdown”. And, if I’m honest, I would still call it that.

Somewhere between 8th June and the 15th June I became engulfed by a wave of guilt, compounded by a wall of tiredness and a weight of sadness I had only experienced once before.

As a person who has suffered from medical depression (not just the kind that a bottle of wine and a giggle with the girls will cure, but the kind where you can’t sleep, or get out of bed, you can’t look at anyone, speak one word or eat a morsel of food and genuinely want it all to end) I was relieved to find that I consciously recognised that I was at a crossroads. One of the paths led to ending it all and the other, well, I wasn’t sure where that path lead, but my heart and my mind were telling me that it had to be better than the path I had travelled before.

So, I (very swiftly) cut out the distractions and tried to re-focus on my priorities. I have logged in to Twitter once since I started my sabbatical, to respond to a kind message from a kind Twitterer asking if I was OK. And I haven’t been back to Facebook at all. As you can tell, until now, I haven’t blogged either.

Although I still use email and text a lot, I call people more often than I used to. It’s quicker and easier to mail/text but it’s so much nicer to talk. I make a conscious effort to be “present” when I’m with my baby Girl and make the most of the little time that we have together. And my Beloved and I are also trying very hard to communicate and connect more often and more deeply. More difficult than it sounds, with a full time job and an almost 1 year old! We’re still tired, but the quality of our family time is really improving.

The biggest effect my sabbatical has had, is that it has given me time to think long and hard about my priorities, my needs and my wants. And I have come to the conclusion that I can do without the iPhone 5, I can do without the 6 weekly hair highlights and I can do without the 5* luxury breaks if it means I get to spend more time with Strawbug. So, in a couple of months, I’ll hopefully be working part time. Maybe even as little as 3 days per week. And for the remaining 4 days I’ll be a “present” Mummy and a housewife and I can’t wait! My “thinking” (in part, thanks to the recent local riots) has even gone as far as ruminating about moving to an entirely different country where Strawbug can grow up to value knowledge, culture, health and morality over gadgets, trainers, handbags and size zero bodies. But that’s for another time. I’m still mulling it over.

Am I evolving? or am I revolving? Either way, I don’t really care. The net result is bliss.

My Top Tens – Part Two

I’m currently playing the Beverly Hills Cop soundtrack to death!!! in the car. We stumbled on the film on one of our 9,000 Sky channels on Friday night by pure chance and remembering how brilliantly funny it was (and what an amazing soundtrack it has) immediately watched it, taped it and got on amazon and bought the CD! Definitely one of my top ten films of all time.

So that got me thinking… what are the other nine?

Well, I’ve blogged about my top ten smells, tastes, sights, feels and sounds. So, here it is folks, for your eyes only, my top ten (as in my favourite) films of all time. (Obviously, I reserve the right to the usual caveat: like most things in my transient mind, these things will probably change from time to time, do feel free to leave a comment and remind me of what I’ve missed :-))

Top Ten: Films (in no particular order)

1. Beverly Hills Cop
2. Some Like It Hot
3. Miracle on 34th Street (1994 version with Sir Richard Attenborough)
4. Cat On A Hot Tin Roof
5. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
6. Romeo Must Die
7. The Big Sleep (1946 version with Humphrey Bogart)
8. Dirty Dancing
9. Toy Story 2 (and I pretend it’s my Baby Girl!)
10. Life is Beautiful

And a couple of others that are so very close to being on the list; Metropolis, It’s a Wonderful Life and lastly 2 guilty pleasures – My Girl and Marley & Me.

Finally! I’m blogging for a living

Well sort of…

I’ve managed to convince my boss that an Intranet would be hugely beneficial for the Company because it would a) be informative b) be fun and c) would encourage improved communication. And, per the norm here, if you stick your neck out – you’re it. RESULT! It’s my baby and after weeks of chasing the developer, the structure is ready for population.

The ‘look and feel’ presently leaves a lot to be desired, but I’m not complaining. For the last 6 working days I have been like the proverbial pig, or if you prefer, the cheshire cat. Head down, iPod on, typing away. HR procedures, project processes and hours on end spent writing blogs about this and that. And even more hours trawling the internet for fun stuff to “enthuse” my colleagues and boost morale.

It takes me back to when I was a graduate trainee and my 3rd placement was with the IT Intranet department. I learned basic HTML and spent weeks ‘being creative’ buidling pages upon pages of Intranet info for our Graduate Team and jazzing them up with animated GIFs.

In reality, I was avoiding what I was supposed to be doing as this was far more fun.

And here I am, 10 years later, doing it all over again!

Not that I care. It is a good initiative and just because it’s fun doesn’t mean it’s not work. This must be what it’s like to do a job you love. (Actually, I already know what that’s like, thanks to my baby girl – yes, I’m a sap, I know).

I’m genuinely excited about this little venture… I just hope everyone else gets excited by it too. Because if it falls on it’s face I may just have to face the fact that I was not born to blog and I may even have to give up blogging for good!

My Top Tens

Today, I bored my followers to tears on Twitter with my Top Ten Smells of all time. I was about to then begin listing my top ten other sense pleasers but thought that they’d probably read enough for one day. So I decided I’d list them on the old blog-a-doodle.

So, here they are, in no particular order (and I’m sure you’ll be relieved to know that for completeness I have also included my Top Ten Smells);

[caveat: like most things in my transient mind, these things will probably change from time to time, do feel free to leave a comment and remind me of what I’ve missed :-)]

Top Ten: Smell Freshly brewed coffee Just cut grass Fresh Basil Coconut Oil Freshly Baked Bread A Barbecue Fresh Coriander The Christmas Tree in your home A new car Fresh Mint	Top Ten: Sound Waves meeting the beach Birds tweeting/chirping/singing Acoustic guitar Silence My baby girl ‘chatting’ Tall grasses ‘swishing’ in the breeze Thunder The distant rise and fall of thrill seekers squeals at a theme park Loved ones voices at the other end of the phone The word ‘Brilliant’
Top Ten: Feel Freshly laundered sheets on the bed Water on the skin Hugs Grass under your bare feet Silk Taking your heels off after a long day/night A warm blanket on a cold night Popping candy on your tongue Kisses from my beloved My baby girl in my arms	Top Ten: Taste Ice Cream Apple & Cinammon anything My beloveds Lasagne (the BEST, I swear!) Peanut Butter Milk & Chocolate Chip Cookies Lobster/Langoustines from the barbie Caprese Salad on a hot day Creamy blue cheese Mint tea Apple Martinis
Top Ten: Sight My baby girl Blue blue sky Smiles A twinkling blanket of pure white snow Tigers (such majestic animals) Flowers in full bloom My little cat snoozing Dancing (anyone, any kind) The haze of heat you can see on a hot hot day Rain on the window (when you’re dry on the inside!)

An Oasis In The Desert

Today, I am spending the day with my little Strawbug 🙂 Just the two of us. Like old times. I can’t believe it’s been only 6 weeks since we spent our days together like this. Feels like a lifetime.

It already feels a little strange to be taking the afternoon walk and to have the time to read books and sing rhymes. And the fact that it feels a little strange makes me sad. But not in a helpless way, like I felt before I went back to work and was dreading it. In a motivational way.

A few weeks ago I sat down and worked out a “plan” to get us to a place, financially mainly but with a few life choices thrown in, where I could reduce the number of hours I work. The end game takes the plan a few steps further… But, I figure, one step at a time is best.

Worst case, the plan will take a year to come to fruition. A year I don’t want to miss. But, better one year than two, three or more.

So, today has been like a little oasis in the desert. Harbouring in the joy of spending precious time with my baby girl and a taste of things to come.

Wish me luck?! Although, I’m not sure I’ll need it. This time, I’m pretty sure this is one thing I CAN stick to!